Final Words of Thanks

Final Words of Thanks
Photo by Kelly Sikkema / Unsplash

Written by Francisca Rahardja

I am writing to thank everyone who took their time reading Marc's blog, and in most recent months, followed his battle with cancer. I am grateful to have had Marc in my life. He has brought me so much happiness, love and kindness. I can truly say that he is my soulmate and the love of my life. There are no words to describe my loss and how much I miss him. And while I try to continue living my life, there are moments when I'm so devastated. And it would hit me at the most random times. Like when I saw a video on YouTube that I thought he might like. When I was walking through Grand Central Station appreciating the energy of New York. When I ate lunch at Chipotle and there was nobody to share my chips and guacamole with. I'm starting to realize that it's these little things that I would miss about him. Feeling his presence and sharing my life moments with him, no matter how big or small.

Throughout his illness, I have been waking up every morning hoping it was all a bad dream. I always realized the severity of his condition, but told myself that miracles DO happen! And no matter what condition he's in, I will be there for him.

Over the last few months, I have seen Marc's condition deteriorate in front of my eyes. I felt helpless, yet at the same time, always knew that I did everything I could to help him. Despite his confusion, loss of memory and pain, he would tell me that he loved me. He thanked me for being there for him, for taking such good care of him. He smiled when he saw me. And I would tell him that I loved him so much, and that he's the best part of my life. I thanked him for sharing his life with me, for always being there for me and for loving me. These exchanges made me so happy, yet at the same time, they broke my heart.

Marc lost his memory gradually in the last few weeks of his life. The doctors would do neurological tests by asking questions such as his name, date of birth, what date it was, and where he was. What I found interesting was that he would often think that he was anywhere but New York! He answered Barcelona, where he spent some time working. Johannesburg, where he traveled. Jakarta, our place of residence. Bangkok, where we spent time visiting Jerry and Maxine. Cary Town in Richmond VA, and several other places. While I was extremely sad to see this, it also reminded me what a rich life he led. He lived life fully, and traveled the world.

When we took our vows, we said that we will be there for each other, in sickness and in health, 'til death do us part. I never thought that it would come so soon. I miss him terribly, and feel that a part of me died with him. At the same time, I also know that he will always be a part of me. Before his memory loss, we've said everything to each other. We both knew how much we loved each other, how much we appreciated the time that we had together, and how lucky we were to have found each other. I tell myself that Marc would want me to live my best life, no matter what happens. So that's what I will do for him, and for myself.

Most importantly, I'd like to thank everyone who have supported Marc and me - our family, friends and colleagues who have done the utmost to be there for us during a very difficult time. My sincere thanks to Jerry Margolis who wrote the final chapter on Marc's blog, and Steve Peterson who authored Marc's obituary.

I hope we will all remember Marc fondly. May he Rest in Peace.